After So Long // बरसों बाद - Debut EP​ (2022)
The Poem
“After So Long // बरसों बाद” is the title track of the EP. Originally meant to be a song, Simha and his collaborator, Jae, decided to let the piece stay as a poem. Throughout their ebb and flow of trading words and phrases, Simha and Jae found that the poem was emulating a mutual feeling that they had about life -- growth is inevitable and getting acquainted with ourselves is part of the constant tension and release.
Finding some solace in the rhythmic recitation of the poem, Simha and his parents took the initiative to deliver the flow from English and Hindi to symbolize their connection with each other. Generations apart yet still experiencing the same twists and turns of time. With the depth of intention in their voices, the build of the composition, and the environment shifts, Simha and his parents deliver something raw and unnerving, yet beautiful.
Awake at 10 am but out of bed at noon,
I want to be here where I lose myself in these sheets
Glancing through half-shut eyes
At the gold pressing past my window
The glimmer remarks on the ledge of my bed
Serving a reminder of aging sunlight
The air tickles the soles of my feet
But the voices are so loud
Like dust collecting in the corner of my room
I am unaware to why I’m still here
With the chilling doubt of the breeze
I’m swept into lucidity
After so long
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Mil rahi hoon mein aaj iske saang
barso baad,
Koi paata nahi diya tune,
Kya karu? Kaha jau?
Shayad agar mein chalne lagoon,
Inn yaadon ki safar mein
Mujhe samajh mein ayega,
Yeh rasta kahaan jayega ,
Inn aari tedhi pakadandiyon pe baarte hi jaana hai,
Mujhe mil na hain aaj uske saath,
barso baad.
I feel like I’m retracing my footsteps
From these concrete stretches
To broken cement walls
Chips and cracks forge their way for new designs
I see the old abandoned buildings
That once held the warmth of bodies
Now just hold memories
Supporting the nature’s resilience
In vines and moss
After so long
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Dhoondli shishe mein jaaga leli hai
Bikhri hui laatao ne,
Zameen pe uchi ghaas pe
Lehrati kamsan kaliyaa
Bheeni bheeni khushboo bikhereti
Phir wahi mausam,
Wahi dil,
Baarso baad.
Phir bhi mein chal rahi hoon aaj
Khudko khudse milane ke liye
Inn galiyo se guzarna hain aaj
Chaalte chaale jaana hai aaj
Kabhi hum milenge kisi mor paar
barso baad
Kabhi hum milenge kisi mor pe
barso baad​
The poem is harmonically accompanied by a video created by StarHopper Studios with Varsha Panikar and Asawari Jagushte. A trans and queer-owned production company based in Mumbai, India. Tethered with the vision of the writers and the visual creators, the composition delivers a sense of nostalgia and familiarity across international waters. Asawari from StarHopper Studios, called the video a “flipbook” of memories that serve as a recollection of the autopilot feelings that we have through mundane. It evokes a sense of tension and release.
Simha longed for a collaboration that reflected his own reach of something new but reminiscent. Born in India and raised in the US, he felt a certain indignant disconnect from his own ancestry. Collaborating with queer South Asian artists was a catalyst for self-discovery in channeling the roots that flow through his creativity. “After So Long // बरसों बाद”, is a statement that with the passing of time, there’s a full circle where we realise our true potential through perseverance and integrity. The creators’ collaboration is a true example of that.
Video Credits​
Poem by Simha & Jae
Poem edited by Rama Garimella
Recited by Simha / Rama Garimella / Annaji Garimella
Featured cast Vaishakh Sudhakaran
Directed by Varsha Panikar
Cinematography and grading by Tanmay Chowdhary
Editing by Asawari Jagushte
Produced by Star Hopper Studios
Music Production by Simha
English Translation by Nhylar
Special Thanks to Dhiraj Bediskar / Almeida Family / Nihaarika Negi
additional content : animation of 'strange thoughts' from EP | animator Eileen Holland
recording credits
Bass on 'Losing Focus' & 'Frequency Bias' - Alex Gorchesky | Guitar on 'Strange Thoughts' - Hunter Burgamy | Bass on 'Strange Thoughts' - Philip Chuah | Guitar on 'Strange Thoughts' - Kendrick Fielder | Strings on 'Gravity' - Ari Urban | Tabla on 'Losing Focus' - Rama Garimella | Drums on 'Frequency Bias' - Bianca Richardson Guitar on 'Strange Thoughts' - Joe Begalla | Vocals on 'Breathe' - India Carney | Guitar on 'Breathe' & 'Fequency Bias' - Kurt Cavalheiro
Guitar on 'Losing Focus' - Molly Pope
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writing credits
Cowriter on 'Gravity' - Carly Yashira | Cowriter on 'Losing Focus' - Molly Pope | Cowriter on 'After So Long' - Jae
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the rest of the songs on the EP are fully self written
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production
Coproducer for vocals on 'Breathe' - India Carney | Mixing - Joe Begalla | Mastering - Stephan
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the rest of the songs on the EP are fully self produced
Marigolds (single - 2024)
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Distractions in my vision
My reflections glaze over like cataracts
Though I’m not who they want me to be
clearing through the clouds, I’m steady
I can finally see myself
I can finally see myself
I can finally see myself
I can finally see myself
Walking on marigolds
The sunset’s takin me on,
On to the next road
The water’s a steady flow
Chasin after the calm
Before the candle light blows out
Even though its a slow burn
Past Mistakes make the pathways
So I’ll feel the ash on my hands
Leaving space for the high
I can finally see myself
I can finally see myself
Walking on marigolds
The sunset’s takin me on,
On to the next road
The water’s a steady flow
Chasin after the calm
Before the candle light blows out
Before the candle light blows out
Before the candle light blows out
Marigolds is a piece that was inspired by a very vivid dream. In this dream, I found myself walking over endless hills of marigolds. On the horizon of these hills was a flickering of candles, which resembled a memory of a sunset during a time in my life that felt out of balance. As I explored these images, I found myself creating a piece that voiced how I would speak to my younger self. With hints of Hindustani musical elements and the openness of jazz harmony, I wrote a song that encapsulated the different experiences of music that I had throughout my life thus far.
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Marigolds is a prayer to help soothe my past and ignite my future. This song signifies a milestone of when I finally understood my identity as a person and as an artist. Repeating the lines, 'I can finally see myself', I give myself the grace to stand with integrity and self acceptance. The realization that I have nothing to prove to anyone but enjoy every single fiber of my being is so freeing.
Credits:
​Noah Wiehl - Guitar/CoProducer/Mixing Engineer
Alex Gorchesky - Bass
Eric Bard - Mastering Engineer
Holy Smoke Photography - Cover Art
Simha Garimella - Writer, Composer, and Singer
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Backseat feat. Rachel Gonzalez (single - 2024)
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additional content : animation of 'strange thoughts' from EP | animator Eileen Holland
15 miles an hour
Driving home again
Stuck between the lines
In the flow of it
Losing track of time
Moving with my mind
Distances unfolding
With every stride
I’ve been thinking ‘bout your words
And the hold it has on me
Haunted by your tone
Your breath weighs down my memories
Like remnants on the road
The way I can’t ignore it
Try not to pull over
Keep my headlights on
Follow the signs
Guided by the glow
Let it lead me, make me wise
Am I talking to myself
Playing out the scene
Don’t know if I can tell
The context of your echoing
You never strayed too far
Held onto your bearings
Passing on your habits
I Inherited your wheel
But I can see over your blind spots
Keep my headlights on
Follow the signs
Guided by the glow
Let it lead me, make me wise
Reading every turn
Just like you taught me
Your voice is in my mirror
As you live in my backseat
Waiting at the crossroads
Red light tell me where to go
Is it safe to take a left turn
Or should I keep the break hold?
Rachel and I have a similar experience when it comes to our identities about being children of immigrants. Our parents left their home to move to a whole new country in hopes of pursuing opportunities that may build a better life for their children. The act of sacrifice can be very honorable and selfless, but also comes with a heavy weight to bear. In our song, Backseat, we wrote about inter-generational trauma and how it has influenced us as adults.
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In the song we mention experiences we've inherited and the different lessons that we've learned as adults that observe their own agency. Not only does this influence us how to move forward in life with choices that we make, relationships that we nurture, and how we take care of ourselves; it also shows us how we can decide to break the pattern. In the chorus, 'Keep my headlights on, follow the signs, guided by the glow, let it lead me -- make me wise...', we show how, ultimately, we have to face the truth and make our own decisions. Although the lessons of our ancestors will always influence us, we have the power to chose and act differently in the end.
Credits:
Alex Gorchesky - Bass
Sarah Midori - Drums
​Joe Hagan - Mixing Engineer
Eric Bard - Mastering Engineer
Adam Wilson - Cover Art
Simha Garimella - Writer, Producer, and Singer
Rachel Gonzalez - Writer and Singer
Feed the Fire (single - 2024)
I lie awake every night
Twisted up in my sheets
The light seeping through the blinds
Makes me…
Think about the words you said
Lost in context
Festering like a headache
Bloodshot eyes, day break
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I feel your echo
I feel your echo
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Emotionally repressed
Don’t know how to feel my feelings
The distance within myself
Grew with the pressure of expectations
There's a reason for every notion
But i don’t know why I’m angry
Why do I feel the need to
Feed the fire
Maybe if I was louder
Then you’d learn to hear me
I’m not trying to fight you
I just need some clarity
Did we lose each other
in the process of elimination
Tracings cracks on the walls
That built us together
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I feel your echo
I feel your echo
I feel your echo
I feel your echo
​
Emotionally repressed
Don’t know how to feel my feelings
The distance within myself
Grew with the pressure of expectations
There's a reason for every notion
But i don’t know why I’m angry
Why do I feel the need to
Feed the fire
Anger is a manifestation of anxiety and a natural emotion that all humans experience. I've had a long journey with understanding my anger and how I process it. I think a lot of the times we are taught to dismiss and repress our anger. Maybe its a result of how our society conditions us to be non-confrontational. "loud emotions are impolite." In this song I broach this subject through the context of an experience with someone I am very close to in my life. Within the setting of potentially losing a friend, I wanted to zoom into the intense emotional experience of how anger and frustration affected me. insomnia, depression, anxiety, resent, and denial were the waves of emotions that I had and it was simply packaged into the guise of anger. The chorus ends with "why do I feel the need to feed the fire" as way to question the viscous cycle of spiraling through the memories that trigger my anger before ultimately accepting that I have no control over what happened between us.
I released my debut EP on my birthday in 2022. “After So Long // बरसों बाद,” is to serve as a testament to my mental health journey that I chose to embark on in 2019. The EP compiles a few songs that I wrote during some major breakthroughs that I had. Writing these songs were a form of tension and release for me, where I took time to process my experiences and allowed them to take the space they needed for me to be able to feel. 'Breathe', is a big example of this, a song that I wrote during a panic attack.
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After three years, I continue to find new meaning in these songs through the evolution of performing them and through people who share their own reflections of the EP with me. As a queer-south asian human, I find myself in the intersection of the "taboo-ing" of mental health​ and the maze of societal expectations. So this EP not only as a form of personal release but also an invitation to learn, understand the complexities of the "self". things aren't so black and white.
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So as you explore my art below, I invite you to think about the many layers of how identity come in to play.